The Franklin Method® has been an amazing journey of self discovery. I have used imagery to take a dance through bones, slippery slide through muscles and an underwater sea adventure through organs. This method has given me the tools to look inside myself and address a deeply rooted fear, the fear of consciously working through the loss of a loved one.
My mother passed six months ago from cancer, and up till now I have not dealt with the loss. The six week battle was a blur. The drugs, the hospital, the emotional toll on my family all seemed so distant. It was like a horrible nightmare I just could not wake from. At the funeral I remember looking at my sister and thinking, "Is this real?" Afterwards I immediately returned home to work. Helping others through movement was a way for me to take my mind off myself. Tears were building up inside, but they just never seemed to find a way out. Looking inside myself was scary, the scariest thing I have ever done. My mind would race from one project to another, avoiding the pain swelling up within. It was hard to focus because I had trained my mind to wander, and as much as I tried I could not pull back the dark curtain housing the nightmare within. My sympathetic nervous system was in complete control of my body.
About a month ago during a Franklin Method® self practice I began to actually see the organs we had been studying so extensively. I hesitated, but the allure of this new insight was just too much. Immediately my mind honed in on the image of my heart. The lungs were stuck to it like a sticky goo I wanted to release, but just did not know how. I imaged my heart shining like a bright light and the goo began to melt. My breath was deep and my heart burst forth as a giant light from within. The fear of looking in began to dissipate. I took the deepest breath of my life, and as I imaged my lungs filling up and my heart coming forth I began to cry. The images of my organs was so powerful my sypathtic system came to a screeching halt. My parasympathetic kicked in and endorphins began to flow. Images of my mother's smile burst forth and the tears that followed were not tears of pain, but tears of joy....the joy of seeing someone I had not been able to image for over five months.
The Franklin Method® transformed me. Eric Franklin and Morten Dithmer I thank you for the tools you have given me to discover myself, and love what see!! As a Franklin Method Educator I have the privilege of assisting you on a journey into yourself as well.
©2011 Matthew Deal Pilates
Matthew, that was such a blessing to be able to see your momma's sweet smile!
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